The Harbor Is Yours

Dead, men, tell no tales.

Up push the daisies ‘till the soil is stale.

In a powder blue tux for the farmer's sail.

Mister big sleep with the carp and kale.

Once upon a time in the days of yore.

When the people lived fresh outta legend and folk lore.

There was an old pirate who piloted a vile slang

Had a bird perched on him, and swashbuckled the same

Peg leg navigated starboard to port

By the nautical starry night yellin' "The harbor is yours!"

You should tell him where you situate the gold

That is unless you'd like a vacation with Davey J-J-J-Jones

Like walk the plank, for whom the shark thank

Maroon the mutineers, consume the souvenirs

And while the shiny spoils piled higher every year

He was suffocating slow in the box of a buccaneer

Ten summers prior on a night like this

Crows nest saw something that float to the boats west

Sword blew him a kiss, and when he focused

Seen the face of an angel upon the body of a F-F-F-Fish.

What the heck! Frazzled, his telescope shattered, gathered himself

She was ghost, he was down the rope ladder to deck

Circled the vessel 360, swiftly

Found nothing in the water but salt, piss, and whiskey

Yargh, heckled by the Swabies at the bar

He’ll be the laughing stock of the Barbary Coast War

Like “This dude either got two glass eyes

Or he’s wearin’ his patch on the wrong S-S-S-Side"

Now he knew what he saw, but had to prove he was raw

So he raped and he pillaged and he’d feud any brawl

Tried to rekindle his rep via sabers and gun smoke

And vowed to always find her, though he never told his cutthroats

Meanwhile, back in the now,

Got a brand new skeleton crew on the move now

When they aren't manning thirty burning cannons stern and bow

They are prying shiny metals out your M-M-M-Mouth

Okay, youth wanes, holler wisdom n disease like the scurvy made his yellow gums bleed

And he was achy from his boots to the feather in his hat

‘Till his quartermaster showed up with a stolen treasure map

One look down and leaped off the dock

See if you can guess where X mark the spot

The capital was buried at sea in a cursed cave

Only one mile from where he'd seen the M-M-M-Mermaid

Anchors up, hoist the jolly roger thank you much

Day and night with his hook hands raised and clutched

But see, the vitamin deficiency was strong

So by the time they bumped into the island, he could barely lift his grog

Crawled off the boat, collapsed in the sand

Prayers in the air, seashells at his hand

An area high tide so grand

It's the one that put the lady of the lake on dry L-L-L-Land

And I wish I could tell you that it ended happy

Pretend like his bones weren’t practically snapping

Pretend like her gills didn’t dry up and suffer

But that's a half dead pirate and a fish out of water

No lie, scouts honor, got a million more

From the burgundy lighting above the Shores of Whores

Before your visions of grandeur go to swell those sails,

Remember dead men tell no T-T-T-Tales.

Dead, men, tell no tales

Up push the daisies ‘till the soil is stale

In a powder blue tux for the farmer's sail

Mister Big Sleep with the carp and kelp