The Professor

So, I'm a Long Island girl

Long Island, New York.

And I went to uh, thank you.

I went to New York University and I studied theater.

And I took this class down in the village,

Lafayette and Asterplace

It was a musical theater workshop thing

And they called it song interpretation

I had this huge crush on my professor, who was gay

But freshman girls in college never know that

I don't know why but he gave us this assignment

to bring a Cole Porter song to class

and approach it like a monologue

So I picked the sexiest Cole Porter song I could find

Which was Love For Sale

I figured I was gonna kill two birds with one stone

I'm going to seduce my teacher and fulfill the assignment sometime

So I get up in front of class and I've worn

You know, we used to get really seriously back

then so I dressed for the role,

I wore some sexy lingerie under my college clothes

and I wear some trashy makeup

and I get up in front of class and I start singing

and I get just a couple lines in

and he abruptly stops me and says,

"Woah, what are you doing?"

And I just stood there and I said,

"I'm singing Love For Sale Cole Porter",

and he says,

"Have you even given any thought to what this song is about?

What the lyrics are saying?",

and I thought I was just gonna burst into tears and he said,

"This is about a woman

who's out on the street in the middle of the night being objectified

and harassed and God knows what with all of these men,

she doesn't know where she's gonna get her next meal from

or how she's gonna pay her rent, she's lonely,

she's desperate and she's scared"