hospital visit

Father visited me in New York for about a week

And at the end I started getting a pretty bad headache

About an hour later it was a pretty bad migraine

The lights dancing around in my left eye

I didn’t have much vision

Took some of this medicine called Imitrex

It was my first time

Just thought it help but

About fifteen minutes after that I started to get lightheaded

I call him in

All of a sudden I collapse on my right side can’t feel my left side

Breathing pretty heavy but I can’t quite breath

And I say call the paramedics I can’t feel my arms or my legs

And I feel a little crazy like I’m gonna faint or something

It all goes black for about four minutes

And then I wake up to the paramedics over my head

And I feel a little embarrassed but I still feel sick

Feel so ridiculous going through all these things

Over and over again but I feel it in my body

And so I feel like I gotta say something

So about a couple hours in the ER

I’m just sitting there thinking about

Well I don’t know what I was a thinking about

Now it’s the next day and I’m writing a song

Trying to piece through this experience

Which might seem a little silly

But it makes me feel like a little bit of a clown

But I have these dreams for about four years

And then it’s weird when they start appearing in real life

I talk real fast and I get all cold

And the girls I meet don’t like me much cause I just stare off into space

But I ain’t tryna to be like that

I ain’t tryna to be like that

I ain’t tryna be that person

I know pretty well how to be well liked

I just smile a lot and act pretty warm

And it’s honestly not an act

I enjoy it, I enjoy making people happy

When I get sick it starts to get real hard to be that kind of person

And so I push myself in that direction and I just end up like the wintertime

Real cold and real hollow and real dark

I’m trying new stream of consciousness type stuff

Cause I listened to Field Medic the other week

While I was playing EarthBound on a trundle bed in New York City

How am i doing

How am i doing

How am i doing I ask myself in the mirror

Where I scratched a couple words in the wall

So that when the shower fogs up it says I’m okay

It says I’m getting better, it says it’s gonna be alright

And I say it four times to myself

Cause that’s what they taught me in Minnesota

Where I went to a pain rehab clinic

With a couple other people in their 30s and 40s

A lot of them didn’t have kids, they said maybe that’s why

We’re so sick and we’re so sorry

We’re such sorry people

About in the end of November I went to a mall

Talked to some other people from the city

They said life was real depressing

They were buying their parents a psychology book for Christmas

Cause their parents didn’t understand why they were so ****ed up

And honestly they didn’t understand it either

This was just a 16 year old kid

Didn’t know much about the world but it made him sad

And it made me pretty sad talking to him