Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize shes very plain

But thats just perfect for an Amish like me

You know, I shun fancy things like electricity

At 4:30 in the morning Im milkin cows

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool

And Ive been milkin and plowin so long that

Even Ezekiel things that my mind is gone

Im a man of the land, Im into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin

But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine

Then tonight were gonna party like its 1699

Weve been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

Ive churned butter once or twice

Living in an Amish paradise

Its hard work and sacrifice

Living in an Amish paradise

We sell quilts at discount price

Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek

I really dont care, in fact I wish him well

Cause Ill be laughing my head off when hes burning in hell

But I aint never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

An Amish with a tude? You know thats unheard of

I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat

And my homeys agree I really look good in black... fool

If you come to visit, youll be bored to tears

We havent even paid the phone bill in 300 years

But we aint really quaint so please dont point and stare

Were just technologically impaired

Theres no phone, no lights, no motorcar

Not a single luxury

Like Robinson Caruso

Its as primitive as can be

Weve been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

Were just plain and simple guys

Living in an Amish paradise

Theres no time for sin and vice

Living in an Amish paradise

We dont fight, we all play nice

Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitchin up the buggy, churnin lots of butter

Raise a barn on Monday, soon Ill raise anutter

Think youre really righteous? Think youre pure in heart?

Well, I know Im a million times as humble as thou art

Im the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like

On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife

So dont be vain and dont be whiny

Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

Weve been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

Were all crazy Mennonites

Living in an Amish paradise

Theres no cops or traffic lights

Living in an Amish paradise

But youd probably think it bites

Living in an Amish paradise

Ah oh oh oh, oh oh oh.

Ah oh oh oh, oh oh YECCH!