The Arch-Illager

[Verse 1]

I was born into a cruel and unforgiving nasty world

That didn't want me

They rejected, disrespected, scorned and shunned me

Cold and hungry

All I wanted was some company, to be comfy

But to put it bluntly, they were being

A bunch of considerably rude neighbors so I gave up

Then I stumbled on a bloody massive cave, look

The doorway yawned awake slowly, I wasn't brave normally

But a strange force was calling me

And so with a flaming torch in hand, I made my way forward

Though those serrated corners on the boulders made it awkward

I gazеd on in awe, following a short reconnaissance

I saw what lay bеfore me, it was called the Orb of Dominance

It held sway over my thoughts, I gained confidence

'Til at once the commoners, no longer had my tolerance

[Chorus]

I am a small Illager, the littlest around

But now, I've got a small feeling

I'm going to be well-endowed

I am a small Illager, my will, it stands proud

Growing 'til I fit the throne

So hand me the crown

[Verse 2]

Now bow down, show me the top of your head

Hey, I said bow down! Else, I'll be dropping you dead

I am the Arch-Illager and I will pillage your village until you

Give in, so run, you can't win if you stand in my path

You'll get trampled like grass

I see you haven't any heating, I can provide that

No need to thank me, here's a torch, completely free of charge

I'll leave your family tree scorched, slashed with lethal steel shards

Oh, I see you're planning a resistance?

If you're going to lead the charge, be advised

Objects in your rear view appear large

Your mistake was thinking this a safe space for your opinions

'Til my minions chased you straight away from my dominion

So make haste, spread my covenant all across the kingdom

I'm your new government, coming for more than just your income

You can try assembling a rebellion of adventurers

It's never going to bother me, my friend, so don't pretend it does

[Chorus]

I'm the Arch-Illager

Now come on down

Down into my dungeon, have a look around

I am the Arch-Illager

Living in a cave and having a party

While keeping villagers enslaved

[Verse 3]

Now come on down, down, come on, quicker, chop-chop

Come on down, down some hard liquor

I am the Arch-Illager, handle my business

Now everybody give a big hand to our visitors

Look at you and your gang, you couldn't be more villainous

Forcing my hand, you're going to be all prisoners

No forgiveness, I'm sending in my skeletons in regiments

Defending us against your weapons with a vengeance

Repelling your torches, enemy forces, making me nauseous

Better be cautious or you'll be left on the edge of a tall cliff

Awkward! Better restore quick then come down into the dungeon

Where the smell is rather pungent

Can't tell if it's your bunions or you've been cutting some onions

[Chorus]

I'm the Arch-Illager

Thank you for coming down, now make yourself comfortable

Have a look around

I am the Arch-Illager

Catching you unaware, if you come in unprepared

Here's someone you haven't met

[Outro]

So glad you came down, down, summoned to my lair

There now, what's the matter, chuck?

You look a little scared

I am the Arch-Illager and I warned you

That if you didn't give up

Then I'd have to confiscate your head

I'm not to be messed with, me

I may be small

But I'm kind of a big deal

So my suggestion, should you wish to heed it

And I strongly advise that you do

Is to bugger off