Bridget The Midget

Top of the Pops 1971

Ray Stevens

歌词

Well the wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back

And left me at home by myself to batch

And after five straight nights of

TV I was ready to scream

So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine

I said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time"

He said, "Why don't we go to the rasslin' matchesAnd let off a little steam?"

The main event was the

Spider from parts unknown

With his trusty partner, the

Blue Cyclone

They was takin' on a team that never had been beat

Now I'd never seen the matches before

And the crowd was backed up plumb out the door

But me an' ol'

Bill lucked out and got ringside seats

Well then they rang the bell and all

Hell broke loose

My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose

I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war!

The Cyclone put the

Vulture in an airplane spin

Then he body slammed him and he did it again

I swear, I didn't see how that old boy could take much more

It was right about then in the thick of things

My buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring

And that's when

I knew we'd better be headin' for the door'

Cause I saw the

Cyclone lookin' at us

And he was rubbin' his head and he started to cuss

And I knew if he caught us he'd break

Bill's neck for sure

Well, where we parked wasn't too far

And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car

Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anybody in

And I turned around and the

Cyclone was there

And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!"

And by the look in his eyes,

I knew that this was the end

Then he body slammed me two or three times

And he put his arms around me from behind

Then he pile drived me right there in the hard concrete

Broke both my arms and three of my ribs

It's the closest,

I've ever come to being killed

And that's the last thing,

I remember 'fore he put me to sleep

Blue Cyclone

Well, I woke up in a hospital bed just thinkin'

I believe

I coulda took him if

I hadn't been drinkin'

So the next time we meet,

I won't be on no binge'

Cause I hadn't been the same since we had that fight

And I see that

Cyclone in my dreams at night

And I'll never be satisfied 'til

I get revenge

So I called up

Bill and told him my plan

And all he said was, "Right on, man!I'd do the same darn thing if it'd been meIt all happened so quick when that car door slammedIt must a broke somethin', 'cause the door locks jammedYou was already down, he's gone time I got free"

Bill said, "Since you're thinkin' 'bout takin' him againI know two ol' boys that weigh 210They'd take on a grizzly with a switch in the woods at night"

Well, we talked it over, they said they's willin'

They'd stop at nothing, short of a killin'

Said, "Hoss, we'll back you as long as you wanna fight"

So we all went down to the

Hammerlock

BarThe hangout of all the rasslin' stars

And waited for the

Blue Cyclone to hit the door

Well, after a while, he finally appeared

And sat down at the bar and ordered a beer

And he barely took a sip 'fore

I stepped to the middle of the floor

I yelled, "Hey Cyclone! Remember me?I'm the guy you put to sleepOnly this time, you can see I'm not alone, ha haYou see them two big dudes over there?"

The Cyclone looked and said, "Over where?"

And I turned around,

I'm a son of a gun, they was gone!

Well, the

Cyclone looked at me and grinned

He said, "Okay punk, here we go againSeems to me that some guys never learn"

And then he waded through them tables and chairs

Put a full-nelson on me and grabbed my hair

And when he threw me to the floor,

I was startin' to get concerned

The next thing

I remember, they was carryin' me in