Didn't Have You

Yeah, yeah...

If I didn't have you

Yeah

If I didn't have you to hold me tight

(If I didn't have you)

If I didn't have you to lie with at night

(When I'm feeling blue)

If I didn't have you to share my sighs

(Share my sighs)

And to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry

Well I

Really think that I would

Have somebody else

(If I didn't have you)

If I didn't have you

Someone else would do

Your love is one in a million

(One in a million)

You couldn't buy it at any price

(Can't buy love)

But of the nine-point-nine-nine-nine-hundred-thousand other possible loves

Statistically, some of them would be equally nice

(Equally nice)

Or maybe not as nice but, say, smarter than you

Or dumber but better at sport or... ****ing... tracing?

I'm just saying

I really think that I would

Probably

Have somebody else

(If I didn't have you)

If I didn't have you someone else would do

(Someone else would surely do)

If I were a rich man

Fiddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle dee

I guess I would be with a surgeon or a model

Or a rellie of the royals or a Kennedy

Or a nymphomaniacal exhibitionist heiress

To a large chain of hotels

If I were a rich man, maybe I would fiddle

Fiddle diddle diddle with the rich man girls

I'm not saying that I'd not love you

If I was wealthy or handsome

But realistically, there's lots of fish in the sea

And if I had a different rod, I would conceivably land some

Even though I am fiscally consistently pitiable

And considerably less 'Brad Pitt' than 'Brad pitiful'

Am I really so poor and ugly that you think

Only you could possibly love me?

And I

Really think that I would

Probably

Have somebody else

(If I didn't have you)

If I didn't have you someone else would do

(Someone else would surely do)

Look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say

That, given the role chaos inevitably plays

In the inherently flawed notion of fate

It's abstruse to deduce that I found my soulmate

At the age of 17

It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth

I happened to stumble on the one girl on Earth

Specifically designed for me

And if I may conjecture a further objection

Love is nothing to do with destined perfection

The connection is strengthened

The affection simply grows over time

Like a flower

Or a mushroom

Or a guinea pig

Or a vine

Or a sponge

Or bigotry

...or a banana

And love is made more powerful

By the ongoing drama of shared experience

And the synergy of a kind of symbiotic empathy, or something

So I trust it would go without saying

That I would feel really very sad

If tomorrow you were to fall off something high

Or catch something bad

But I'm just saying

I don't think you're special

I mean, I think you're special

But, you fall within a bell curve

I mean, I'm just saying I

Really think that I would

Probably

Have somebody else

I think you are unique and beautiful

You make me happy just by being around

(Just being around)

But objectively you would have to agree

That baby when I found you

Options were relatively thin on the ground

(Thin on the ground)

You're lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you

Or maybe more open to spanking, or table tennis...

I'm just saying

That I think that I would

Probably

Have somebody else

I mean I reckon it's pretty likely that if for example

My first girlfriend, Jackie, hadn't dumped me

After I kissed Winston's ex-girlfriend Neah

At Steph's party back in 1993

Enough variables would probably have been altered

By the absence of that event

To have meant the advent

Of a tangential narrative in which we don't meet

Which is to say there exists a theoretical

Hypothetical parallel life

Where what is is not as it is

And I am not your husband and you are not my wife

And I am a stuntman living in LA

Married to a small blonde Portuguese skier

Who when she's not training

Does abstract painting

Practises yoga

And brews her own beer

And really likes making home movies

And suffers neck down alopecia

But with all my heart and all my mind

I know one thing is true

I have just one life and just one love

And my love, that love is you

And if it wasn't for you

Darling, you

I really think that I would

Possibly

Have somebody else

If I didn't have you

If I didn't have you

Someone else would do

Someone else would surely do