Don't Let the Bellhops Bite

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There's a cozy little place

Tucked away between the third and fourth circle of Hell

Where you can take a break,

Makes a great vacation,

Maybe take in just a little damnation as well

SO RING THE BELL

We're excited to welcome you in

No time herе to dwell on your sins

Your itinerary's fairly heavily pеrilous

But let me share the various

Amenities you're getting within

If you've got luggage

The staff can take it through

But the baggage that's emotional

Well that can stay with you

You've clearly packed a bag with plans to stay a day or two

But it's pretty optimistic if you think you won't be strewn

Across the floor

Twisted and deformed

Little bits of blood and gore

Chewed and spit out of the maw

Of a vicious set of jaws in a spiffy uniform

All your sins have a cost

But your death is complimentary, of course

It's just monkey business

But with one key difference

That the one reliving it

Is beyond deliverance

We've got one piece hidden in

Deep amongst these remnants

Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell

Where the bellhops bite

We're afraid to say that the pool is closed

Since the lifeguard started to decompose

Down here things lurk deep below

So stay clear if you want to keep your toes

Breakfast is served till ten

But no one ever wakes up to attend

Cause if you lay your head on a bed

You'll be too dead for eggs

And you'll never eat bacon again

Our gymnasium's stocked with the best utensils

Though you ought to be running without the treadmill

The bar's a haunt

With all the spirits you want

They were all our last guests to get killed

We've so many amenities

No chance of boredom

We both know you've already seen the ballroom

A little reminder

You've a riddle to find or it is frivolous fighting your doom

It's just monkey business

But with one key difference

That the one reliving it

Is beyond deliverance

We've got one piece hidden in

Deep amongst these remnants

Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell

Where the bellhops bite

Think twice before you use that phone by the bed

Room service will cost you an arm and a leg

And a torso, a stomach, a neck, and a head

The menu's sparse, but the staff's well-fed

We'll provide a device that might help you find the

Shards you've been tasked with and hide from the nightmares

But if you try to check the TripAdvisor

You'll likely trip and die, sir

"Five stars, never a survivor!"

We're not winding you up

We're not letting you go

Fish the mint from the blood pooling in the pillows

Checkout is at one,

Not that you'll need to know

Pay your tab at the front desk

Or death will be slow

We strongly urge that you defer your day's ablutions

The concierge will start the purge before you're through them

Whilst on your journey on the way to retribution

We hope that you enjoy your stay of execution

It's just monkey business

But with one key difference

That the one reliving it

Is beyond deliverance

We've got one piece hidden in

Deep amongst these remnants

Of our one-time residents in our little hotel in Hell

Where the bellhops bite