Vegemite (The Black Death)

You tell me that you love me when

I'm lying by your side

You tell me that

I am the only one who understands your troubled mind

That I am blind to any evil you can do

And that I love you more than any other girl could ever do

You love the things that

I love: you love art and you love books

And you love love as much as

I do and you love my dirty looks

And you love me right now

So how can you love...

Vegemite?

It tastes like sadness

It tastes like batteries

It tastes like asses

I cannot hold a man so close who spreads this cancer on his toast

It is the

Vegemite, my darling, or it's me

You have to make a ******* choice

I cannot sit with you at breakfast

The very smell of it obliterates my senses

And if that weren't bad enough you also eat the **** for lunch

Which means we can't spend any time together

What kind of relationship is that?

The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands...

Please wash your hands

You just ate

Vegemite for lunch you selfish bastard

It's all about you, isn't it?

It's just take, take, take, take

What about me?

What about my feelings?

I'm sorry

I had this really awful experience when

I was six years old

And our British next door neighbor,

Christopher

Gill, he was babysitting us

And he made me eat an entire spoonful of

Marmite Which is just like

Vegemite pretty much except it's even grosser

He made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge

And so I swallowed the whole thing and then

I had to go to the bathroom and throw up

And it really traumatized me and

I'm sorry

I got so emotional,

I just...

I love you, and no matter what you eat

I'll always love you completely

I might just always leave the room at meal times

Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week

If you insist on putting that foul death paste in your mouth

You're in my heart, but put yourself inside my shoes

I have to know, it shouldn't be too hard to choose

I know it's tearing you apart, but it's the way it has to be

It is the

Vegemite, my darling

It is the

Vegemite, my darling

Put down the

Vegemite, you ******, or

I'll leave