歌词
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Twenty years old, pretty smart kid
Didn't know what I wanted to do
「年满二十，聪明绝顶」
So I took the LSAT
「不知道要做点儿啥」
And just like that
「所以我参加了法学院入学考试」
got accepted at Glendale U
「就这样」
Everyone said it was a real safe bet
「被格伦代尔大学录取」
A prestigious and lucrative vocation
「所有人都说我这把稳了」
So I set off on a journey
「选了个既有前途又有钱途的职业」
To become an attorney
「所以我踏上了」
Without a moment's hesitation
「成为一名律师的旅途」
But here's some free advice I'm giving
「没有半点儿犹豫」
When it comes to decidin' what to do for a living
「但我要免费给你提个醒儿」
Don't be a lawyer!
「当你在决定何以谋生的时候」
Don't do it!
「别做律师！」
Quickest way to ruin your life
「别做！」
Don't be a lawyer!
「这是毁掉你人生的捷径」
Not worth it!
「别做律师！」
It'll leave you dead inside
「根本不值当！」
The job is inherently crappy
「它不杀人也会诛心」
That's why you've never met a lawyer who's happy
「这工作本身就够糟心」
It's a guaranteed soul destroyer
「所以你才没见过快落的律师」
Don't be a lawyer!
「这工作绝壁会毁灭灵魂」
「别做律师！」
Law school debt
Daily regret
「法学院的贷款」
Is that what you dreamed of as a kid?
「每天都在后悔」
Or did you hope one day
「这难道是你从小梦寐以求的吗？」
That you'd find a way
「或者难道你曾希望某天」
To spend four years workin' on a pharmaceutical company's merger with another pharmaceutical company?
「能找到方法」
Your only expertise
「来花费四年时间处理一个医药企业和另一个医药企业的合并？」
Is runnin' up fees
「你唯一的专业技术」
Speakin' legalese like a dick
「是疯狂计费」
But it's not too late
「像个王八蛋一样堆砌法律术语」
To avoid this fate
「但现在还为时未晚」
Find any other job to pick
「去避免这样的命运吧」
Sure, your parents might think you're a failure
「找些其他工作来选」
But no one's ever said, "First, let's kill all the tailors"
「没错，你父母可能会觉得你是个废物」
Don't be a lawyer!
「但可没人说过“首先让我们干掉所有裁缝”（莎士比亚剧作中台词：首先让我们干掉所有律师）」
I'm serious, it really, really sucks
「别做律师！」
Don't be a lawyer!
「港真，这工作真的真的糟透了」
No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal
「别做律师！」
There are so many other professions
「你同事没人长得像甜心俏佳人」
That don't turn you into Jeff Sessions
「世界上有那么多别的专业」
Just say no to the lawyer employer
「不会把你变成杰夫·塞申斯（前美国司法部长。虽然是强硬的特朗普支持者，但因“通俄门”调查而长期受到特朗普抨击，并因此下台）」
(No!) Don't be a lawyer
「拒绝那些律师雇主就得了」
“What about human rights law?”
「（我不干！）别做律师」
“No money, no, no money”
「“那人权律师怎么样？”」
“Environmental law?”
「“没钱赚，完全没钱赚”」
“No money, even less money”
「“环境法律师呢？”」
“Immigration law?”
「“没钱赚，甚至钱更少”」
“No money, plus it's a bummer”
「 “移民律师呢？”」
“Okay, but what if one day, you make it to the Supreme Court?”
「“没钱赚，还很恶心”」
It'd be great to be on the Supreme Court
「“好吧，但如果有天你进到最高法院了呢？”」
But you'll never be on the Supreme Court
「能进最高法当然很棒」
There's truly no chance of that happenin'
「但你永远不可能进最高法的」
Lawyer: “The preceding song in no way reflects the views of CBS and the CW network”
「港真这完全没机会发生」
“Ah, screw it”
「律师：“前述歌曲概不在任何情况下反映哥伦比亚广播公司及CW电视台的观点”」
See? Don't be a lawyer!
「“靠，管他呢”（跳窗坠楼的声音）」
「看见没？可别做律师！」
（歌词贡献者：Esther Guo）
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