They're Either Too Young Or Too Old

They're either too young, or too old

They're either too gray or too grassy green

The pickings are poor and the crop is lean

What's good is in the army

What's left will never harm me

They're either too old or too young

So, darling, you'll never get stung

Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless

I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess

I'll never, never fail ya

While you are in Australia

Or off among the Rooshians

And flying over Egypt

Your heart will never be gypped

And when you get to India

I'll still be what I've been to ya

I've looked the field over

And lo and behold

They're either too young or too old

They're either too bald or too bold

I'm down to the wheelchair and bassinet

My heart just refuses to get upset

I simply can't compel it to

With no Marine to tell it to

I'm either their first breath of spring

Or else, I'm their last little fling

I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup

I either have to hold him off

Or have to hold him up

The battle is on, but the fortress will hold

They're either too young or too old