歌词
CHAPTER 1
第一章
I can feel the raw flesh rubbing against the inside of my heels.
我能感觉到皮肉正摩擦着我的高跟鞋内侧，
The blister just popped.
水泡刚刚炸开，
Good, I hope I bleed all over these wretched satin shoes - my first pair of heels.
很好，我希望我的鲜血淌满这倒霉的绸缎鞋 - 我的第一双高跟鞋。
The first of three, Mum said.
“三双中的第一双，”妈妈说
Heels for Occasions. Today is an Occasion.
适合重大场合的高跟鞋在今天派上了用场，
Actually, today is the 'biggest day of my life'.
其实今天是“我生命中最重要的一天”。
Today I will walk into the civic auditorium as a seventeen-year-old high school graduate and walk out-
今天我将以一名十七岁高中毕业生的身份走进市政礼堂，再走出去——
'Name.' The man's grating voice cuts through my reverie.
“名字。”那个男人刺耳的声音打断了我的遐想。
Mum tosses her hair across her shoulder and looks down her nose at the clerk.
妈妈把头发披在肩膀上，低头看向这位工作人员，
'Luanna Veodrum and my daughter, Teddy Veodrum.'
“卢安娜·维尔德拉姆（Luanna Veodrum）和我的女儿，泰迪·维尔德拉姆（Teddy Veodrum）”
I don't bother caring about how she says our last name anymore, the emphasis she puts on it.
我不再在乎她如何说出我们的姓氏，她对此的是如何的强调。
Like she's speaking in italics. Veodrum.
就像她在用斜体字说话一样，“维尔德拉姆”。
'Row 57 A, B.' He doesn't look at her, and she narrows her eyes.
“第57排A、B。” 他没有看她，她眯起了眼睛。
Everyone looks at my mother.
在场的人都看着我的母亲，
She's one of - if not the - most influential socialites in the City.
她是这座城市最有影响力的社交名流之一。
He hands her two passes, a red one for her and a blue one for me.
他递给她两张通行证，红色那张是她的，蓝色那张是我的。
Another red pass sits menacingly on the bench.
另一张红色的通行证恶狠狠地在板凳上落座。
The clerk doesn't mention my father's absence.
工作人员并未提及我父亲的缺席。
I copy my mother and clip my pass to the lapel of my dress.
我仿照我的母亲，把我的通行证夹在连衣裙的翻领上。
I swallow. This is it.
我咽了咽口水，就是这样。
The door to the left of the clerk's temporary desk is open.
工作人员临时办公桌左侧的门是开着的，
I can feel the bodies of the other families behind us, all pushing, eager to get their names marked off and move inside the auditorium.
我能感觉到我们身后人流涌动，其他家庭各推各的，渴望着把他们的名字登记在册以进入礼堂。
I don't share their enthusiasm. If I could turn around and go home, I would.
我并不被他们的热情所感染，如果可以的话我会立马转身回家，
If I could go back to bed and wake up anytime but today, I would.
如果可以的话我会回到床上，什么时候醒来都行，除了今天。
I hate today. The more I learn about it, the more I feel like I hate this whole year.
我讨厌今天。我对它了解得越多，我就越觉得我讨厌这一整年。
Today should be a time of grand celebration, my first Council Occasion: my Job Placement.
今天应该是一个盛大的庆祝时刻，我的第一个议会场合：我的就业安排。
Today marks the first of three ceremonies that signify the completion of my time as a child and student.
今天是三个仪式中的第一个，标志着我作为一个孩子和学生的时光结束了。
According to the pamphlet, these ceremonies mark the emergence of my new life as a worker, wife and womb keeper.
根据这本小册子说的，这些仪式标志着我作为一个社畜、妻子和子宫饲养员的新生活出现了。
Our Platinum Jubilee
“我们的白金禧年。”
THE FUTURE IS OURS
“未来属于我们。”
Help us celebrate all Our City Council has done for Us and our next generation of watchers, workers and womb keepers.
“以此庆祝我们的市议会为我们，和我们的下一代观察者、社畜和子宫饲养员所做的一切。”
Join Us for this year's Graduate Occasions.
“加入我们今年的毕业生活动。”
Outline of proceedings for this year on the reverse side of this document.
“——这份文件背面的今年会议记录概要。”
I trail after Mum, but the second I walk into the room I stop.
我跟在妈妈后面，但当我走进房间的那一刻，我停了下来。
Rows and rows of seats wrap around the circular auditorium, just stopping short of the imposing stage.
一排排的座位环绕着圆形礼堂，堪堪止于庄严的舞台前。
This building was designed to fit the families of each generation, one Occasion at a time.
这座建筑的设计旨在适合每一代的家庭，一次只办一个活动。
But that's not what has my attention. Mum turns back to me and smiles.
但这不是我关注的。妈妈回头对我微笑，
'Pretty impressive, isn't it?' she says.
“令人相当印象深刻，不是吗？”她说。
I can't take my eyes off the colossal honeycomb dome above us.
我无法将目光从我们头顶巨大的蜂窝穹顶上移开。
'It took three thousand glass hexagons to make that dome.
“花了三千块六边形玻璃来打造这个圆顶，
Each one cut by hand by master glassworkers.'
每一块都是由大师级玻璃匠人手工切割的，”
She draws her eyes from me for a second to look up.
她把目光从我身上暂时移开，抬起头来，
'Takes one's breath away to think about it.'
"想想就觉得无法呼吸。”
Mum loves those things, the effort something takes, honouring work ethic and achievement when and where it's due.
妈妈喜欢这些东西，喜欢做事所需要付出的努力、尊重职业道德和在适当的时间地点取得的成就。
'Hurry up Teddy, our seats are in row 57, and these stairs aren't going to walk themselves.'
"快点泰迪，我们的座位在57排，这些楼梯可不会自己走过来。”
I sigh. I can feel the blood sticking against the back of my heels.
我叹了口气，我能感觉到血粘在我的脚后跟上。
My mother ascends the stairs, the centre of attention.
我的母亲走上楼梯，这是人们关注的焦点。
Some people stop her to fawn.
有些人上前对她阿谀奉承，
Others are trying to be subtle, pointing just past us or looking around 'for a friend', but their eyes follow her.
其他人趋于不表露得那么明显，假装看向我们身后或环顾四周“寻找朋友”，但他们的眼睛却在跟随她。
It's not hard to see why.
原因不难理解。
My father might be one of the most influential councillors in Our City, but my mother is the voice of the people: the editor of Metropolis Magazine, Our only Council-sanctioned entertainment.
可能我的父亲是这座城市最有影响力的议员之一，但我的母亲是人民的声音：唯一一个议会批准的娱乐活动——大都会杂志的编辑。
For seventy years, that institution has guided Our City, and now my mother is at its helm.
七十年来，这个机构一直引领着我们的城市，现在由我的母亲掌舵。
Hers is the voice of reason and trust, and we are the Council's poster family.
她是理智和信任的代言，我们是议会的代表家庭。
She smiles benevolently, waving as sycophants call out for her attention.
她慈祥地微笑着，向呼唤着她注意的谄媚者们挥手致意，
She stops, too, answering all the petty questions she's asked.
也停下来回答被提问的所有小问题。
It's worse than the pain my shoes are causing me.
这比我的鞋子给我带来的疼痛还要糟糕。
I don't know how she handles it at all, with a smile no less.
我完全搞不懂她是怎么处理的，笑容丝毫不褪。
Nothing slips through her façade.
没有任何东西从她的门面上溜走。
As we settle into seats A and B, Mum eliminates my father's obnoxiously vacant seat C under the plumes of her skirt.
当我们安顿在座位A和B时，妈妈把我父亲那讨厌的空座位C抹杀在裙子的羽毛下。
I know it hurts her.
我知道这触痛了她，
His ever-increasing responsibilities on the Mayor's Table seem to have taken precedence over his familial duties, although I can't say I'm sorry for his absence.
他在市长桌上日益增加的责任似乎优先于他的家庭职责，尽管我并不我对他的缺席感到难过。
I slip my shoes off and bend forward to touch my heels.
我脱下鞋子，向前弯腰触摸我的脚跟。
The sharp hiss of air I suck in is enough to catch my mother's attention.
我倒吸一口凉气，尖锐的嘶嘶声足以引起我母亲的注意。
She clicks open her purse and passes me two band-aids.
她咔哒一声打开钱包，递给我两个创可贴。
I take them with a grateful smile.
我带着感激的微笑接过它们。
Of all the things dwarfed from our high seats, the long, black stage is not one of them.
长长的黑色舞台并不是与高位观众席相形见绌的其中一员。
It's bare but for the vast banner hanging from the ceiling, as still as death, displaying Our City's seal, that eye.
它光秃秃的，但天花板上挂着的巨大横幅，就像死亡一样静止，展示了我们城市的印记。那只眼睛，
Always watching.
一直注视着。
There is a podium at the front of the stage.
舞台前面有一个讲台。
That's it; no guards clustered together in their charcoal uniforms, or eagle-eyed councillors.
就是这样，没有穿着炭色制服的警卫聚集在一起，也没有目光锐利的议员。
Yet I cannot shake the feeling of dread that settles across my shoulders like a heavy mantle.
然而我无法摆脱那种仿佛沉重的斗篷压在我肩膀上的恐惧感。
I turn to Mum and open my mouth. She looks at me, expectantly.
我转向妈妈，张开嘴，她期待地看着我。
'Yes?' she asks.
“怎么了？”她问。
'Nothing,' I say, shaking my head softly so I don't disturb the ornate twist of hair pinned precariously on top of my head.
“没什么。”我小幅度地摇了摇头，这样我就不会打扰别在头顶上摇摇欲坠的华丽发髻。
I turn back to the stage and swallow.
我转头面向舞台并咽了咽口水。
Why does it look so horrifying to me?
为什么它对我来说如此可怕？
The band-aids haven't stopped the stinging, but they do help when I slip my shoes back on.
创可贴并没有阻止刺痛，但当我把鞋子穿回去时，它们的确有所帮助。
I tilt my head back to look up again.
我微微仰头向上看去，
The three thousand glass hexagons suddenly feel awfully close, and I notice it smells damp this far up.
突然感觉三千块六边形玻璃压迫式地接近，我注意到它在这个距离下闻起来很潮湿。
I reach across and grab Mum's gloved hand with my own bare one.
我伸出手，用我自己的裸手抓住妈妈戴着手套的手。
My hands are uncovered, as is tradition until I'm Partnered.
这是一种传统，婚嫁前是不需要遮盖手部的。
She squeezes it tight and smiles at me.
她紧紧地攥着并对我微笑。
I smile back; a real smile this time.
我回以微笑，这次是发自内心的。
Together we rise, and our smiles are gone.
我们一起站起来，并收起了笑容。
It has begun.
开始了。
Our City and its People
“我们的城市及其人民，
With pride, truth, courage We stand,
我们以骄傲、真理和勇气立足，
Against all dark evil
对抗一切黑暗的邪恶。
Like self, creative or made
喜欢自我、富有创造力或有成就，
In Our predecessors' wake,
在前人的足迹下，
Those who couldn't share,
那些来不及分享的人，
Our vision for Our People.
我们对人民的愿景。
It's time; We don't forget.
此时此刻，我们永远铭记。”
As we chant these words, I can feel Our voices resonating in my chest.
当我们吟诵这些话时，我能感觉到我们的声音在我的胸口回荡。
I used to be filled with excitement, hearing everybody's voices united.
我曾经充满兴奋，听到每个人的声音团结一致，
I was proud to be a part of this.
我很自豪能成为其中的一员。
A bead of sweat runs down my back as the words rattle around in my head: It's time; We don't forget.
一滴汗珠顺着我的后背流下来，这些话在我脑海中嘎嘎作响：“此时此刻，我们永远铭记。”
As if we've ever been given the chance.
就好像我们曾经得到过机会一样。
As Our City's anthemic Creed comes to an end, I can hardly make myself move my lips.
随着我们城市的信条颂歌即将结束，我的嘴唇几乎动不了了。
Nervous anticipation rips through me.
紧张的期待撕裂了我。
I still can't tell if this is the beginning or the end.
我仍无法分辨这是开始还是结束。
'We watch because We care,' we all say together, standing shoulder to shoulder.
“我们注视，因为我们在乎。”我们肩并肩地站在一起说。
Before the heat of our breaths has settled, a tall woman walks out from behind the banner.
在我们呼吸的热量还没平息之前，一个高大的女人从横幅后面走了出来。
Her hair is grey, her suit is grey and, from up here, her watery, vague eyes look grey too.
她的头发是灰色的，她的西装是灰色的，从这里看，她那双水汪汪的、含糊不清的眼睛看起来也是灰色的。
'Our People,' she begins, her saccharine voice carrying clearly throughout the vast auditorium.
“我们的人民，”她开始讲话，虚情假意的声音清晰地传遍了整个广阔的礼堂。
'It is my honour to be here with Us today, sharing in this Occasion.
“我很荣幸今天能和大家相聚在此。
It is not every day We celebrate an Occasion such as this.'
我们并不是每天都在庆祝这样的场合。”
She pauses. 'It is once a year.'
她停顿了一下，“这是一年一次。“
She smiles, and everyone laughs. Everyone except me.
她笑了，每个人都笑了。除了我之外的所有人。
Her smile doesn't reach her eyes as they scan over us all, like she's scanning us for infection.
当她的眼睛扫视我们所有人时，她的笑容达不到她的眼睛，就像她在检测我们是否有被感染到一样。
I can't help but imagine her teeth are sharp and pointy.
我不禁想象她的牙齿锋利而尖锐。
She gestures for us to sit, and in one sweeping motion over one hundred people comply.
她示意我们坐下，呼啦一下就招致了一百多人。
I can feel the force of Our action.
我能感觉到我们动作的力量。
'This,' she continues,'is the story of Our great achievement, the achievement of Our Metropolis City Council.
“这，”她继续说，“这是我们伟大成就的故事，我们大都会市议会的成就。
It's the same story We have learnt as students at school each year; the City erected walls to protect Us, the City enacted laws to protect Us, and the City has made sure We are protected every year.'
这是我们每年在校学习的学生所学到的同样的故事。城市竖起围墙来保护我们，城市颁布法律来保护我们，城市每年都确保我们受到保护。”
Everyone claps; the applause is not thunderous, it's polite, contained.
每个人都鼓掌，掌声不是雷鸣般的，而是礼貌的，有节制的。
'We the People are gathered here today to celebrate Our City's youth.
"我们民众今天聚集在这里庆祝我们城市的青春。
Today is the day they begin their journey of giving back to the City that has given them so much.'
这座城市给了他们那么多，今天是他们开始回馈这座城市的日子。”
I glance at my mother. She has tears in her eyes.
我瞥了一眼母亲。她眼里含着泪水。
'Our City has worked to protect Us - all of Us - and to save Us from Ourselves.'
“我们的城市一直在努力保护我们——我们所有人——并将我们从自己手中拯救出来。”
The woman suddenly grips the podium and leans forward.
女人突然抓住讲台，身体前倾。
Her voice drops. 'I know I don't need to remind any of Us about Our responsibilities.'
她的声音降下来，“我知道我不需要提醒我们任何人我们的责任。”
She stands up straight again and ruffles her papers, despite not having looked at them once.
她再次站直身子，揉搓着她的稿子，尽管她一次都没看过。
'You know We are all born with those vile characteristics. The desire to create, to express.'
“你知道，我们生来就具有那些肮脏的特性，创造的欲望、表达的欲望，”
She spits the words out as though merely saying them could infect her. 'They are evil.'
她把这些话吐出来，好像仅仅说出来就能感染她。“它们是邪恶的。”
She looks up towards the top of the large auditorium. 'We are evil.'
她抬头望向大礼堂的顶部，“我们是邪恶的。”
My heart quickens in my chest. It feels like she's looking straight at me.
我心跳加速，感觉就像她直视着我。
'That is what leads to conflict.
“这就是导致冲突的原因。
That is what led humanity to war and, in the end, mass devastation, nuclear fallout and the near extinction of Our very species.
这就是导致人类发动战争的原因，最终导致大规模破坏、核尘埃和我们这个物种的近乎灭绝的原因。
Within the walls of Our Metropolis, We're protected by Our City Guards, who patrol the very wall that saved Us from the slow death of Outside.
在我们大都会的城墙内，我们受到城市卫队的保护，他们巡查着那堵墙，正是这堵墙将我们从外面的缓慢死亡中拯救出来。
That is why We obey Our curfew.
这就是我们为什么遵守我们的宵禁。
We are simple people, and Our Great Council knows that We need protection from Ourselves.'
我们是单纯的人，我们伟大的议会知道我们需要保护自己。”
She pauses again and steps around the podium.
她再次停顿，向讲台边迈了几步，
She places her hands on her thighs, formally bowing.
把手放在大腿上，正式鞠了一躬。
'Remember,' she says, her voice still loud and clear, and then everybody is back on their feet, bowing in the same stiff motion.
“记住，”她说，她的声音仍然响亮而清晰，然后每个人都重新站起来，以同样僵硬的动作鞠躬。
'We watch —' she begins.
“我们注视——”她说道，
'Because We care,' we respond, as is Our custom.
我们回应，“因为我们在乎。”这是我们的习惯。
She nods curtly, and I see a small but satisfied smile playing on her lips.
她简略地点了点头，我看到她的嘴唇上露出一丝淡淡但满意的笑容。
'My name is Councillor Kathryn Corrumpere, I will now commence the proceedings and reveal who each of you will be, and how you will serve Our Great City, Metropolis.'
"我的名字是议员凯瑟琳·科伦佩尔（Kathryn Corrumpere），我现在将开始程序，并告知你们每个人会成为谁，以及你们将如何为我们伟大的城市大都会服务。
I remember her name from Our History classes.
我记得她的名字来自我们的历史课。
Kathryn Corrumpere is known as one of the greatest councilors of Our time, lauded for her exemplary work in the Sanitisation of the Infected and Jurisdictional Control in the Sanitisation sector.
凯瑟琳·科伦佩尔被称为我们这个时代最伟大的议员之一，因其在消毒感染者和消毒部门司法控制方面的模范工作而受到称赞。
This is the woman behind the disappearances - the relocations of family members around Our City.
她是“失踪事件”背后的女人——我们城市的家庭成员被重新安置。
She's the reason Lisa is gone.
她是丽莎离开的原因。
The thought of my best friend has me picking at the edge of my dress.
一想到我最好的朋友，我就坐立不安。
How can these people accept their friends being taken and then reintegrated?
这些人怎么能接受他们的朋友被带走然后重新融入社会呢？
And where? I still cannot work out where they are being taken.
而且在哪里呢？我仍无法弄清楚他们被带到了哪里。
'You will all be in the stages of completing your three-month Internships - the service we’ve had you complete before you start your real service.'
“你们都将处于进行三个月实习的阶段——这是我们在开始实际服务之前让你们完成的服务。”
I roll my eyes; three months of slave labour.
我翻了个白眼，三个月的奴隶劳动。
Mum elbows me and points to the stage. Focus.
妈妈用胳膊肘怼怼我，指指舞台。集中点。
Councillor Corrumpere continues.
科伦佩尔议员继续说道，
'But that is not all. Today you will join us all as adults in a community that has supported you since your birth.
“但这还不是全部，今天，你们将作为成年人加入我们的行列，这个自你出生以来一直支持着你的行列。
And this year is particularly significant as We are also celebrating Our Great City's Platinum Jubilee.
今年尤其重要，因为同时我们也在庆祝我们伟大城市的白金禧年。
This year We are seventy!'
今年我们七十岁了！”
The audience collectively jumps; she shouted severity into the microphone, throwing her arms up in triumph.
观众集体跳跃，她严肃对着麦克风大喊，以胜利地姿态举起双臂。
'You're all here - Our City's brightest new lights, beacons of the future, ready to receive your jobs.'
“你们都在这里——我们城市最明亮的新灯，未来的灯塔，准备好接受你们的工作。”
She reshuffles her papers. 'Could all candidates please rise?'
她重新整理了她的稿子，“请所有候选人都站起来好吗？”
The rustling sound is overwhelming as all the young people stand, fidgeting at clothes they've never worn, in shoes they don't fill.
所有的年轻人起身发出的窸窣声是压倒性的，他们从未穿过的服饰和不太舒适的鞋子使他们有些不安。
I swallow hard and look around the enormous auditorium.
我艰难地吞着口水，环顾这巨大的礼堂。
I'm not the only one stealing a glance.
我不是唯一一个偷瞄的人。
I only recognise a handful of people - mostly girls, all from my School Code.
我只认识少数人——大多数是女孩，这是我们的学校守则。
We've shared the same classes since we were four years old.
我们从四岁开始就一直一起上课。
You would think after all that time together, we might have some kind of friendship.
你可能会想，在一起这么长时间，我们会建立起某种友谊。
We don't. Lisa was my only friend.
我们没有。丽莎是我唯一的朋友。
She was different from the other girls; she was more like me.
她与其他女孩不同。她更像我。
Or maybe I was like her?
或者也许是我像她？
Generally, students don't have much exposure to each other socially outside of school.
一般来说，学生在校外没有太多的社交。
I guess the City doesn't think it's worth it - once we're Partnered, previous lives don't matter.
我猜城市认为这不值得——一旦我们婚姻嫁娶，这之前的生活就无关紧要了。
I spot Sarah Parker, looking around to see who's noticed her.
我发现了莎拉·帕克（Sarah Parker），她正环顾有谁注意到了她。
It would be hard to miss her in the gaudy orange dress she's chosen.
很难错过她的华丽橙色连衣裙。
Unfortunately, we make eye contact. Sarah smiles. Correction: smirks.
怕啥来啥，我们的眼神对上了。莎拉笑了。更正：讪笑。
I think back to school, when Sarah would mock Lisa for her family's lower ranking.
我回想起在学校时，由于丽莎的家庭阶级较低，莎拉会嘲笑丽莎。
Sarah's father, like mine, has a role in the Mayor's office, which will help our Job Placement, maybe even influence how we're Partnered.
莎拉的父亲和我一样，在市长办公室里有点份量，这将有助于我们的工作安排，甚至可能影响我们的婚嫁。
I loathe Sarah for every minute that she relishes in it, but I hate myself more, for not standing up for Lisa back then.
我憎恨莎拉的津津乐道的每一分钟，但我更恨当时没有为丽莎挺身而出的自己。
I was supposed to be her best friend.
我本该是她最好的朋友。
'Pay attention!' Mum hisses beside me, and I realise they're calling the graduates to the front of the stage.
“集中注意力！”妈妈在我旁边嘶嘶道，我才意识到他们正把毕业生叫到台上。
I make my way down the stairs towards the pool of eligible young people.
我走下楼梯，走向符合条件的那群年轻人。
Standing amongst the crowd of adolescents, struck by the nauseating mix of perfumes and aftershave, I look around, still half expecting to see Lisa.
站在一群青少年中，被令人作呕的香水和须后水混合物雷到，我环顾四周，仍然有些期待看到丽莎。
Wanting to. Lisa would have laughed at my blistered heels.
我想，丽莎会嘲笑我起的水泡。
She would have put band-aids on at home before she left; she was always so prepared.
她会在离家之前贴上创可贴。她总是准备得很充分。
I smile at a girl who's playing nervously with a handkerchief beside me.
我对一个在我旁边紧张到玩手帕的女孩微笑。
She smiles back, and I feel a little less alone.
她回以微笑，我感到不那么孤独了。
I look around again, searching for a face I might recognise.
我又环顾四周，寻找一张我可能认识的脸。
I had promised myself I wouldn't be nervous.
我向自己保证过我不会紧张。
A part of me is worried that I might get the same job as my Internship, but I'm trying not to think of that exceptional torture.
我的一部分担心我可能会得到与实习相同的工作，但我尽量不去想那种特别的折磨。
Anyway, it doesn’t matter what position I get placed in - I will always have to watch myself.
无论如何，我被安置在什么位置并不重要，
If losing Lisa taught me anything, it's that.
如果说失去丽莎教会了我什么，那就是——我必须永远注意自身。
A vacant sort of resignation settles in my chest.
一种茫然若失的听天由命的感觉在我的胸中浮现。
I watch some girls giggling, their arms linked.
我看到一些女孩手挽着手咯咯地笑。
Many of the boys are slapping each other on the shoulder.
许多男孩正互相拍打着肩膀。
Friends. While we mill about, the 'great' Councillor Corrumpere is still talking.
朋友。当我们四处走动时，“伟大的”科伦佩尔议员还在说话。
Like all the others, I hardly pay any attention.
像其他人一样，我几乎无法注意去听。
I move around, listening to the hushed chatter mixing with her speech...Jubilee...I hope we're together... Chosen ones...anything but that... someone bumps me.
我四处走动，听着她说话时低沉的喋喋不休“...禧...我希望我们在一起...被选中的...除了那...”有人撞了我。
I look up and realise how close I am to the imposing stage.
我抬起头，意识到我离这个气势磅礴的舞台有多近。
'Alright, Children.' The Councillor calls us to attention, her spiel to the parents concluded.
“好吧，孩子们，”议员呼吁我们注意，她对父母们进行结束性的高谈阔论。
'You are Our next generation, Our greatest achievement.
“你们是我们的下一代，是我们最大的成就。
You are the future of Our Metropolis City.'
你们是我们大都市的未来。”
Her words have a silencing effect on the gathered youth.
她的话对聚集的年轻人产生了沉默的作用。
We are all still. She looks at us through her watery grey eyes.
她用她水汪汪的灰色的眼睛看着静止不动的我们。
Hungry. I can see, now that I'm closer, her teeth aren't sharp, but I still can't shake the image from my mind.
饥饿。我看得出来，现在我离得更近了，她的牙齿不锋利，但我仍无法从脑海中甩去这个形象。
'I will call Our children to the stage individually.
“我会把我们的孩子单独叫到舞台上，
Each will receive their Job Placement then return to their family seating.
每个人都将获得他们的工作安排，然后回到他们的家庭座位。
Please hold any applause to the end.'
请把掌声保留到最后。”
That last request is accompanied by a stern look at the gathered audience.
在最后一项要求中，还严厉地看了一眼聚集的听众。
I don't think anyone would dare defy that look.
我认为没有人敢违抗这种眼神。
I feel a twisting knot of anticipation form in my stomach.
我感受到一种期待在我的胃里打结。
Stop it. This doesn't mean anything.
停下。这并不意味着什么。
But still, it churns. A glance around tells me I'm not the only one.
但是它仍然在搅动。环顾四周，我并不是唯一一个。
'Pretty intense, huh?' I hear someone say.
“很激烈，对吧？”我听到有人说。
There's no reply, and I look around.
没人回复，我环顾四周。
A boy is standing beside me, smiling. It crinkles his freckly nose.
一个男孩站在我旁边，微笑着，皱起了他长着雀斑的鼻子。
I open my mouth to reply, but can't think of anything to say.
我张开嘴想回答，但想不出有什么可说的。
'Don't you reckon?' he asks. I close my mouth and nod.
"你不觉得吗？"他问。我闭上嘴，点点头。
He nods with me, and the action makes his sandy hair flop over his eyes.
他和我一起点点头，这个动作使他的沙色头发垂到他的眼睛上。
He looks nice. Kind. A strange thought occurs to me: I wonder if I'm talking to my future Partner.
他看起来不错，很友善。一个奇怪的想法出现在我脑海中：我想知道我是否在和我未来的伴侣交谈。
Could he be? I swallow, then try to smile back, but he's already turned away.
他会是吗？我咽了咽口水，然后试着回以微笑，但他已经转身离开了。
I didn't expect to feel disappointed.
我没想到会感到失望。
I'm not used to talking to boys. It's never encouraged, especially not at school.
我不习惯和男孩说话。这从不被鼓励，尤其是在学校。
I want to ask what his School Code is.
我想问他是哪个学校的，
To find out what neighbourhood he's from. He turns back to me.
找出他来自哪个社区。他回过头来。
'Think this is so crazy. My new shoes are killing my feet!'
“这太疯狂了。我的新鞋正在杀死我的脚！”
'Me too!' I exclaim. A few people turn to give us annoyed looks.
“我也是！”我惊呼。有几个人转过身来，施以恼怒的眼神。
I whisper, 'I'm not sure if we're allowed to talk.' He shrugs, looking around.
我低声说，“我不确定我们是否被允许交谈。”他耸了耸肩，向四周看了看。
'Everyone else is?' This time I do smile.
“其他人也是？”这一次我笑了。
This talking to a stranger business is easy enough.
跟一个陌生人说话十分容易。
'Yeah, I guess with all us "chosen ones" gathered here there's too many to Sanitise.'
“是的，我想我们这些「被选中的人」都聚集在这里，有太多东西要消毒了。”
I laugh awkwardly.
我不自然地笑了一下。
I have said the wrong thing. The boy's eyes freeze over and his face turns to stone.
我说错话了。男孩的眼睛结了层冰，他的脸渐渐僵硬。
I want to kick myself. I don't know these people - I need to be more careful.
我想给自己一脚。我不认识这些人——我需要更加小心。
People don't joke about Sanitisation.
人们不会拿消毒开玩笑。
I take a step closer and try to catch the boy's eye to apologise.
我走近了一步，试图吸引男孩的目光向他道歉。
Quickly he turns away, muttering about getting a closer view, and then he's disappeared behind the crowd of adolescents.
他迅速转身离开，嘴里嘀咕着想近距离观察，然后他就消失在了人群里。
My attention returns to the stage as the audience breaks into a polite smattering of applause.
我的注意力又回到了舞台上，观众们给予了一阵礼貌的掌声。
And then there he is, the sandy-haired boy, marching stoically up to receive his job.
然后他就在那里，那个沙色头发的男孩，平静地走上前去接受他的工作。
'We congratulate you, Charlie, on your appointment to electrical maintenance at the Metropolis substation.
“我们祝贺你，查理（Charlie），你被任命为大都会变电站的电气维护。
Your work will help us grow Our Great City.'
你们的工作将帮助我们发展我们伟大的城市。”
Charlie shakes hands with Councillor Corrumpere, then walks across the stage to two more suit-wearing councillors.
查理与科伦佩尔议员握手，然后穿过舞台，又向另外两名穿着西装的议员走去。
When did they get here? He shakes their hands too, posing for a photo.
他们是什么时候在这里的？他也和他们握手，摆姿势拍照。
I realise I need to start paying attention.
我意识到我需要开始集中注意力了。
I follow electrical maintenance worker Charlie until he's lost in the throng of people on the other side of the stage.
我的眼神追随着电气维修工人查理，直到他消失在舞台另一边的人群中。
'We congratulate you, Helen...' Corrumpere continues from the podium.
“我们恭喜你，海伦...”科伦佩尔继续从领奖台上走下来。
There! I see him climbing the stairs to his family's row.
那里！我看到他爬楼梯到他家的那一排。
'Teddy Veodrum.' I hear my name over the speakers.
"泰迪·维尔德拉姆。"我在扬声器上听到我的名字。
A few people from my School Code turn to look as I start making my way through the mass of bodies.
当我开始穿过人群时，我同校的的几个人转过身来看。
As I move towards the stairs on the left of the stage, I can see that they're grated.
当我走向舞台左侧的楼梯时，我可以看到它们是一格一格的。
Perfect for catching the thin heel of these stupid shoes.
非常适合卡住这些愚蠢的鞋子的细鞋跟。
I wish this process were private, all of it.
我希望这整个过程是非公开的。
But we are not afforded the luxury of privacy especially not at this time in our lives.
但是我们没能得到奢侈的隐私，尤其是在我们人生中的这个时刻。
I can feel my hand shaking as I grip onto the metal rail beside the stairs.
我正抓着楼梯旁边的金属栏杆，我能感觉到我的手在颤抖。
Don't slip, don't get stuck. I take two more steps and dare to take a glance out.
不要滑倒，不要卡住。我又走了两步，大着胆子往外看了一眼。
The lights shining on the stage are so bright I have to look away.
舞台上闪耀的灯光太亮了，我不得不把目光移开。
Blinking away the glaze of tears, I count five more stairs.
眨了眨快要流泪的眼睛，我又走了五个台阶。
I can see the councilwoman staring at me with her cold grey eyes.
我能看到女议员用她冰冷的灰色眼睛盯着我。
As I approach, I ball my clammy hands into fists by my sides.
当我走近时，我把湿漉漉的双手在身体两侧握成拳头。
Every step I take, I can hear an echo.
我每走一步都能听到回声。
I glance around, then realise it's me.
我环顾四周然后意识到是我自己。
It's my shoes - they clatter across the stage.
这是我的鞋子——它们在舞台上咔哒作响。
I feel like a lie. I don't wear shoes like this.
我觉得自己像个谎言，我不穿这样的鞋子。
I'm not a mother, a wife. Yet. Three more steps.
我不是母亲，也不是妻子。还没完，还有三个台阶。
I look up, and Councillor Corrumpere's pursed mouth breaks into her trademark saccharine smile.
我抬起头，科伦佩尔议员抿起了她标志性的甜腻微笑。
'We congratulate you, Teddy, on your appointment at Metropolis Magazine.
“我们祝贺你，泰迪，你被委任至大都会杂志。
You will work with some of the greatest voices of Our City.'
你将与我们城市的一些最伟大的声音一起工作。”
She extends her hand to me.
她向我伸出手。
I look out to the crowd, then look back, step forward and take her hand.
我望向人群，然后回头看，向前迈出一步，握住她的手。
Her grip is uncomfortably firm and her hand is cold, despite all the flesh it's been touching.
她的握法非常令人感到不适的牢固，她的手很冷，尽管它已经触摸了那么多人的皮肉。
I let go before she does. She doesn't tell or show me where to go.
我比她先放手。她不告诉我或向我指明我该去哪里。
'Kyle Reep,' she reads out.
"凯尔·里普（Kyle Reep），"她读道。
I look around for the exit, then walk towards the two men beckoning to me sternly from the other end of the stage.
我环顾四周，寻找出口，然后走向从舞台另一端严肃地向我示意的两个人。
They don't smile. One of the councillors steps forward and takes my hand.
他们不苟言笑。其中一位议员走上前，握住我的手。
I notice a flash but can't see a photographer.
我注意到有闪光灯，但看不到摄影师。
He lets go, and the other man takes my hand - another flash from the camera.
他放手了，另一个人握住我的手——又一道闪光灯。
I'm sure I must look stunned.
我确信我一定看起来很震惊。
'Down the stairs,' the second man says, already looking at the kid behind me.
“下楼，”第二个男人说着，一边已经看向我身后的孩子了。
I step off the stage then walk back to my mother, climbing the stairs up to row 57, to join the elite.
我走下舞台，然后走回母亲身边，爬上楼梯，来到第57排，加入精英行列。
No one would dare say it, but we know how it works.
没有人敢说出来，但我们知道它是如何运作的。
Your family name is the Council's ranking system.
你的姓氏就是理事会的排名系统。
According to my father, Our Council needed a way to ensure their positions are filled, and using surnames makes overseeing this many people much more manageable.
根据我父亲的说法，我们的议会需要一种方法来确保他们的职位得到填补，使用姓氏可以让管理这么多人变得更容易。
I take my seat and Mum pulls me in for a teary hug.
我落座，妈妈把我拉过去含泪拥抱。
She doesn't mask her joy. I try smiling, to look as happy as she feels, but I can't.
她毫不掩饰自己的喜悦。我试着微笑以看起来和她一样高兴，但我不能。
'You're so lucky,' she whispers in my ear.
“你很幸运，”她在我耳边小声说。
I wonder how much influence my father had in my new job, set to be working alongside her.
我想知道我父亲对我的新工作有多大影响，我才能和她一起工作。
A high-ranking position for our high-ranking family.
一个与高阶家庭相匹配的高阶职位。
She sits back and dabs her eyes with a cotton handkerchief.
她坐回去，用棉质手帕沾沾眼睛。
I look down towards where I saw that boy go.
我低头看向我看到那个男孩去的位置。
His family don't look happy.
他的家人看起来并不高兴。
I don't know if it's the distance or an illusion, but I swear I can see his mother frowning.
我不知道是距离还是幻觉，但我发誓我可以看到他的母亲皱着眉头。
For the remainder of the ceremony, I'm stuck in a loop, watching each parent receive their child with different emotions.
在仪式剩余的时间里，我被困在一个循环中，看着每个父母以不同的情绪接收他们的孩子。
At one point, Mum squeezes my hand and whispers, 'I'm glad I'll be able to keep you close.'
中途妈妈捏了捏我的手，低声说：“我很高兴能把你放在身边。”
I squeeze back. Every family seems to have a different reaction: some are full of joyful tears for their child's new government role.
我向后探身。每个家庭似乎都有不同的反应：有些家庭为孩子的新政府职位充满了喜悦的眼泪。
Some jobs are obviously expected, the recipient greeted with a clap on the shoulder and a kiss.
有些工作显然是意料之中的，接收人用拍肩和亲吻来致意。
Others are unexpected - gasps of joy when an 'E' family find out their daughter will work in Sanitisation; clenched jaws when a son gets a construction job.
其他的则出乎意料——当一个“E”家庭发现他们的女儿将在消毒部门工作时喜悦地舒气；当儿子得到一份建筑工作时咬紧了牙关。
It takes hours. I think this is the reason they don't call us in alphabetical order.
这需要好几个小时。我认为这就是他们不按字母顺序称呼我们的原因。
Jumping from 'T's' to 'B's' means there's no way to know when we're near the end.
从“T”跳到“B”意味着没有办法知道我们什么时候接近终点。
Finally, the last child is called.
终于叫到了最后一个孩子。
Councillor Corrumpere smiles at the audience.
科伦佩尔议员对观众微笑。
'You may now congratulate Our lucky recipients.'
“你们现在可以祝贺我们的幸运获奖者了。”
The auditorium erupts in applause - genuinely thunderous this time.
礼堂里爆发出热烈的掌声——这一次真的是雷鸣般的。
Some people stamp their feet while others clap with their hands above their heads.
有些人跺脚，有些人则用手举过头顶拍手。
I continue to watch the audience, noticing some people aren't clapping at all.
我继续看着观众，注意到有些人根本没有鼓掌。
My eyes slip back to the sandy-haired boy and his family.
我的目光又回到了那个沙色头发男孩和他的家人身上。
His mother is gripping his arm like a vice, while his father claps slowly, his eyes squeezed shut.
他的母亲像钳子一样抓住他的胳膊，而他的父亲则慢慢地拍手，他的眼睛紧闭着。
Deep down in my stomach, I feel that knot twisting its way back in.
在我的胃部深处，我感觉到那个结又蜿蜒了回去。
'You're so lucky,' Mum whispers in my ear, again.
“你真幸运，”妈妈又在我耳边小声说道。
Following my line of sight, she gives me a look that suggests she knows what I've been thinking.
顺着我的视线，她给了我一个眼神，表明她知道我在想什么。
I turn my attention back to the now-empty stage, the oversized banner of Our City's Eye gazing over us, always watching.
我把注意力转回到现在空无一人的舞台上，那面超大的“我们城市之眼”的横幅凝视着我们，总是在注视着我们。
My hands start to feel numb, a sensation that quickly spreads through my body.
我的手开始感到麻木，这种感觉迅速蔓延到我的身体各处。
The longer we clap, the more I understand.
我们鼓掌的时间越长，我就越明白。
None of this is about luck at all.
这些都与运气无关。
专辑信息