The Ballad Of Tom Jones

What did I do wrong?

Oh you nearly drove me cuckoo...

Am I really all that bad?

You're worse than Hannibal Lecter, Charlie Manson, Freddie Krueger...

Why're we still together?

Oh I can't leave you till you're dead...

You mean till death do us part?

I mean like cyanide, strangulation or an axe to your head...

It was lucky for us I turned the radio on

They say that music sooths the savage beast

There was something in that voice that stopped us seeing red

The two of us would surely have ended up dead

You stopped us from killing each other

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

You'll never know but you've saved our lives

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

I've never thrown my knickers at you...

And I don't come from Wales...

Still haven't solved our problem...

You mean we hate each other's guts?

Still wanna poison your pizza

And I still wanna cut off your nuts

I phoned the marriage guidance

I tied the phone line round your neck

I'm sick of all this hatred

Oh that would be the arsenic making you sick...

You were about to drive me over the edge of a cliff

As I tried to jump out I knocked the stereo on

You changed your mind and then slammed on the brakes

It was lucky for us we bought his Greatest Hits

You stopped us from killing each other

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

You'll never know but you've saved our lives

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

I've never thrown my knickers at you...

And I don't come from Wales...

And now our war it's over

I've lost the urge to brake your neck

I owe my life to "What's New ********?"

"Delilah" stopped me hating you and wishing your death

Oh I used to call you a Satan

And you were Cruella DeVil

But now you call me your Delilah

And now I'm not your Lucifer

And I am just your ********

Well just a word of warning now

Just in case we ever get tired of his voice

I know the Mafia, Godzilla, King Kong

And I know an atom bomb that's going for this song

You stopped us from killing each other

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

You'll never know but you've saved our lives

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

I've never thrown my knickers at you...

And I don't come from Wales...

You stopped us from killing each other

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

You'll never know but you've saved our lives

Tom Jones, Tom Jones

I've never thrown my knickers at you...

And I don't come from Wales...